You see, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took a cardboard tube. Call me old fashioned, but I justĬan't imagine looking at a doctor and saying: "Well Doc, it's like this. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromanical, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with charcoal lighter fluid before admitting the truth. I'm guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was springtime fresh after his journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."ĥ: People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.Ĥ: People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun).ħ: That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out of a guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.Ħ: Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. Top Nine Scariest Things About This Storyĩ: " I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum."Ĩ: "So I peered in to the tube." (I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
Tomaszewski's hair and severly burning his face. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr.
I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so i peered into the tube and struck a match, thinkingĪt a hushed press confrence, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "As usual, Kiki shouted out " Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew " Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake.
I bring it here complete along with the editorial comments that were on it when I first read it: When he unfreezes, I hope he eats through your colon.Īnd again, as promised: why you shouldn't shove cute mammals up your rear end. Putting the poor rodent in the freezer before inserting him makes him shiver, which makes him act like a vibrator, massaging your G-spot. But, I will throw in this little piece of wisdom I heard from someone (to whom I'm not speaking anymore): Felching is used to stimulate the so called male G-spot, which is found somewhere up the anus. Just remember, rodents have very sharp teeth. If you really want to do it, find out the hard way.
So, as the node title promised: how to do it.
And shoving one up your bum is, in my opinion, mistreatment, even if you washed it really well. Now of course, being the animal lover that I am (not in THAT sense), I am against the mistreatrment of animals. Richard Gere, for example, was rumoured to have had a sad incident with a hamster, which required a surgeon to get it out. Of course, we all have an urge to shove a small furry animal up our butt from time to time, but it's dangerous. As we all know, felching primarily refers to shoving rodents up one's bum.